Stop Living Vicariously Through Others

In today's society, we are inundated with images of successful people. These are typically celebrities and athletes, but they may also be people that you encounter on social networks. We see this all of the time on manosphere blogs and forums, where commentators almost seem to get a rise from the exploits of others. There is nothing wrong with giving props where they are due, and nothing wrong with admiring or learning from someone that has succeeded where you want to, but the problem that I am seeing is people that go through their lives praising the accomplishments of others to get a rise in their otherwise unfulfilled lives.

The OPs, Alphas, celebrities, and so on are making their money. They're getting their püh. They're traveling the globe and enjoying themselves, all while those that are living vicariously continue to age, stay in the same neighborhoods that they grew up in, waste hours and hours online singing the praises of others and helping them finance their lifestyles while going into deeper and deeper debt. Those that get their jollies riding the bandwagon of others (at least when it comes to celebrity worship) do not really get anything of their own in the long run.

Throughout most of my life, I have lived vicariously through the accomplishments of others. I would praise celebrities like Floyd Mayweather, and each time that he fought and won, it would be a victory for me as a Black man. There is a degree of truth to that given the way that the media works, but I was not making any of the money that Floyd was making, and after the excitement of the fight was over, it was still a lonely Saturday night for me where I would try to find clips of Black men banging Asian women and frig myself vicariously to them. I spent little time trying to better my mindset so that I could take on the world and have victories of my own. If Floyd would have lost, I would have been crushed, as I would have had nothing at all to be proud of. Don't get me wrong, I would still like to see Mayweather retire undefeated, but if he does get an "L" on his record, I will still have my life to live and my endeavors to reach.

Win or lose, I will win for myself.

Instead of trying to live off of the accomplishments of others, I have decided to set forth and accomplish what I want to get done with my life. I advice you all to do the same. Turn off the video games if your level 99 warlock isn't helping you to cast spells or make money in real life. Cut off the porn because you're not banging those girls. Click off the TV, hit the gym and get swole yourself because you didn't just score that touchdown. I'm not saying that you cannot cheer for your favorite team or athlete, or indulge yourself in entertainment from time to time, but just make sure that you are growing and building yourself so that when it is all over, you can say that you actually did something with your life other than just riding the jock of others.

Oneitis: Still a Problem in the West

Throughout history, there have been several epidemics. The Plague, the Spanish Flu, AIDS, and Ebola (which was foolishly brought to the United States) all come to mind. There is one more ailment that effects otherwise healthy men, it is known as Oneitis.

The primary symptom of Oneitis is obsessive feelings over one woman. This is not to be confused with fidelity in a relationship with a woman that deserves it, or the loyalty that a functional marriage would have. Instead, it is characterized by loyalty and devotion to a woman that does not reciprocate it, or feigns it to drain a man of his resources. It may also lead to a man being inhibited from making moves in his life, whether they be romantic, financial, or otherwise, all to please this so-called special person. In this article, we will discuss some of the main causes of Oneitis.

Fear

Fear is one of the biggest causes of Oneitis. The fear of losing the interest of that “special” girl can cause men to take actions that are self-destructive, or not take actions that are beneficial. Oftentimes, the “special” girl does not find the afflicted man to be special at all, and it follows that the interest was never there in the first place. The man wastes away (or at least wastes his time) with pursuits that are non-beneficial.

Self-doubt may also cause a man to believe that he cannot attract other women. A bird in hand is worth two in the bush, as they say, but many times, the birds in hand are mangy pigeons rather than juicy chickens. These men will end up living lives lacking of sexual fulfillment, while being browbeaten by their ever-fattening counterparts.

Religion

Most religions teach us that fornication is wrong, and that we should seek one mate to spend the rest of our lives with. Perhaps this worked in the past, but in today's world of hypergamy and hypersexuality, these notions just do not hold. Even within the houses of religion, there is plenty of hanky-panky going on. The same preacher that teaches you to find one suitable wife is probably popping multiple women in the church, using his supposed spiritual authority to get in women's draws. He may also be splashing more than holy water on the choirboys too.

Lack of Growth

When we are children, we watch movies and read books about princes and princesses falling in love and living happily ever after. If we are lucky, we had two loving parents that supported each other. However, in today's world, there comes a time when we grow up and realize that we were lied to by the stories, and what worked for our parents might not work for us in contemporary society, for better or for worse.

Some men believe that despite all that they see around them, that there is indeed one special person made especially for them. There is a sense of justice, and no matter how many times the princess turns them down, the prince knows that he will will win her heart. Unfortunately, the only winning here is the princess taking resources from Prince Beta while getting the diugh from King Alpha.

Lack of Suitable Women

In some locations, there is a very real lack of suitable women, whether it is because the women in an area are all unattractive, or a man lacks the properties necessary to attract decent women. In the first case, the young men will naturally vie for the affections of the rare good-looking women in the area. In the latter case, a young man may devote himself entirely to the solitary female that gives him an ounce of attention.

Now that we have gone over some of the symptoms and causes of Oneitis, let's briefly discuss potential cures. Mary Poppins said that “a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down”; in the case of this ailment, spooning out some sugarwalls is the medicine itself. See other women, and after you've busted a few good nuts, see if the princess still enchants you. A change of mindset may also be in order. Try to see the world for what it really is rather than living completely in idealism. Finally, make sure that you don't give your all to a woman that gives you nothing or only leads you on. In the future, I will talk about my bout with Oneitis and how I cured myself of it.

Reasons Why Social Justice is Not For Heterosexual Black Men

In recent years, social justice warriors have crowded to the Internet in order to "promote awareness" and take part in virtual activism. Supposedly, these social justice warriors (or SJWs for short) stand up for the downtrodden, such as minorities, women, and homosexuals against the evil, oppressive heterosexual, cisgendered White men. Now, being a Black man, I most certainly do agree that White supremacy exists, it is global, and it is detrimental to my progress. However, much of the rhetoric spewed by SJWs would stifle the progress of a heterosexual Black man as well.

Their Problems Aren't Ours

Many of the problems that SJWs (mainly White women) talk about simply aren't ours. They do not go out of their way to help us along in life, so we do not need to waste our resources (including time, the most precious resource) trying to help them. The same thing applies to other non-Whites (referred to as "people of color"), gays, and to a degree, Black women. History has shown that Black people will stand up for other aggrieved groups looking for allies only to have them throw us under the bus when they do not need us anymore. I for one won't be falling for that trick anymore. It is indeed time for us to take responsibility and do for ourselves.

The paradigm that all injustices matter is only a marketing ploy to get people to jump on a bandwagon issue and allocate their resources to a cause that is not their own. The real world does not work like that, as history has shown us. The reality is that injustices and inequalities that are closer to home or have an affect on you or your group are going to be the ones that really matter. The problem with trying to think that all groups outside of the White, male, heterosexual, cisgendered group will naturally ally is that different groups have different goals, and in reality, these goals are often met by aligning with White supremacy and putting Black folks down or exploiting us.

But You Should Understand

Yes, I certainly do understand what it is like to be discriminated against and historically oppressed. I can turn that argument right back around to the members of other so-called aggrieved groups. At the end of the day, their actions will speak louder than their words. They are making real strides towards real power. I think that I will do the same, and I advise other Black men to do the same with no shame in their game.

You Aren't White, But You're Still an Evil Cisgendered Man

If you are attracted to attractive women, then you are objectifying women. If you have a particular taste in women (team #BlackWithYellowFever all day), then you are an evil fetishist. Never mind the woman that has a thing for K-pop stars, since it is OK for her to have a preference. Never mind the guy that likes to pack fudge; he was born that way and you have to understand. To top this all off, if you refuse to accept the advances of an overweight transsexual that prefers to go by the pronoun "zer", then you are promoting the evils of patriarchy.

I just do not see how a perfect, social justice utopia would bode well for a straight man of any race.

It Takes Time Out of Your Busy Schedule

Unless you are pulling in those SJW dollars from ad revenue or some other source, then participating in online social justice crusades is a waste of your time. Not only are your interests unlikely to be addressed for the most part, you are also wasting valuable time that could be used to produce something or hone a craft that will potentially bring about real tangible power, and thus, real justice.

The same applies to arguing with SJWs (and any other fanatic adversary, such as White supremacists, religious zealots, naysayers, etc.), especially online. They will always bring some of their buddies to the fray, and you will never get through to them. The only time that I can see a purpose in such arguments is in the realm of political debate if you are running for office and can actually have an effect on policy, or if you are trying to drum something up that you can turn in your favor (maybe like some of the troll posts that the fellows at RoK write). The best thing for you to do when "confronted" by an SJW or another opponent to your side is to push forward with your endeavors and only confront them when absolutely necessary for defense of yourself, your teammates, and the pursuit of your objectives.

Always Be Playin'

One of the books that I read while I was in China instead of studying Chinese like I should have been was The 50th Law by Robert Greene, author of The 48 Laws of Power and many other personal development books. The 50th Law uses examples from the life of famous rapper, 50 Cent, as well as historical figures to illustrate important themes in the game of power. One of these lessons that I have learned and continuously try to implement in my life is found in Chapter 4 of the book: Keep Moving.

This chapter conveys the importance of constant motion. When one stagnates, they miss opportunities, but if one is constantly working towards a goal, even if they feel as if they are on top, then they can push further ahead and better secure their position from would-be adversaries. In other words, "Always Be Playin'". Although the way this is phrased sounds like it applies to gaming girls, this philosophy applies to just about any arena of life.

For instance, you might have a great job with an amazing salary, but you must remember that when you work for others, you are essentially expendable. There will always be someone else that can do your job and do it for less money, which means that you never know when a younger, more ambitious, or perhaps more willing rival will arrive to push you out of your job. However, if you know that you should "always be playin'", then you might apply for other jobs based on your experience. Even if you do not take these jobs, you might gain contacts in your back pocket just in case you need them, or at the very least, keep your interview skills fresh and potentially improve your confidence. Taking things a step further, you may choose to pursue entrepreneurial endeavors in order to develop skills and have alternative modes of income.

"Always be playin'" applies to the mind as well. As we get older, our mind tends to stagnate as we get set in our ways and the curiosity that we once had as children fades. Some of us may have been praised at a young age (deservingly or not in the Western world), which while good for building confidence and self-esteem, can actually stifle personal development. Thinking that we are entitled "know-it-alls" and that our ways are the only ways, especially when there is no power to back these claims, can lead to ruin. Instead of going down this path, one should open their mind to new ideas and opportunities.

Stay abreast of new developments, be they technological, economic, social, etc. on a global scale, then strike when the opportunity presents itself, or at the very least prepare yourself to deal with the "new world" that will emerge from these developments.

Dating Chinese Women: Xi'an

After spending some time in Guangzhou and Changsha, I reported to work in Xi'an. Xi'an was not really as open as the other two cities in terms of social life from my perspective, and my "daygame" methods, which consisted of being spotted by a curious or intrigued female, or using the WeChat to find language exchange partners did not work well there. It seemed like the wall around the city was not the only wall, as most of the ladies that I encountered would stare at me, then put up a shield when I tried to make eye contact in return.

It was not until I started hitting the clubs that things turned around for me in terms of meeting approachable women. I only had two experiences that could actually be called "dates" in Xi'an, and neither of them ended with intimacy. I still had a decent time in the city overall, aside from the stares, filth, and shouts of hei gway, but I cannot say that it was a great place for me in terms of dating Chinese women (although it was a decent place for casual hookups in the club).

One of the clubs that I went to was relatively close to my job, so I would usually hang out in the area, then show up at the club about an hour after it opened. This club was relatively tame compared to some of the other venues that I would peruse in Xi'an, but I would still get free drinks, and occasionally, see a girl that I liked.

One night when I was doing my usual "be the only foreigner/person that dances normal in the club" routine, I was approached by a gentleman that wanted me to drink with him and his buddies at his table. They had a bottle of whiskey and a few bottles of iced tea, which seemed to be the favored drink at this particular establishment. I had a few drinks, after which, everyone wanted to take pictures with me. One of the girls in the group, we'll call her "D^2", coerced me to sit next to her. When I did not move quickly enough for her liking, she began yelling at me in Chinese, grabbed me, and tried to force me into the seat adjacent to her. Feisty; I liked it, despite feeling a bit uncomfortable.

After the pictures were taken, what D^2 did made me feel even more uncomfortable. She slipped her hand in my pants and began frigging me, yelling furiously at me in Chinese. At this point, I did not know what to do, but her friends took her away, apologized (like I needed an apology), and went on their way. Noticing that the spot was mostly a sausage-fest, I decided to retire for the night.

I ran into D^2 about a week later after coming home from a successful night at a different club, walking home with a couple of roses from a sweet young thing that refused to utilize KTV rooms for the singing that they were made for. She recognized me and we had a small conversation, exchanging WeChat information. Another week passes by, and we are setting up a night out going clubbing and having dinner.

Long story short, all that I got out of this "date" was a few more free drinks and some dancing. I had a good time, but I did not seal the deal, nor did I even get the dinner. D^2 bid farewell and entered her taxi. I had a fun night out and I still chat to her from time to time though.

Blog: Voyage to Asia

Voyage to Asia is a blog with contributors from all over the world. The site centers on cultural exchange between East and West, with a particular focus on Black American experiences in East Asia. While the site might not revolve around game, there are plenty of informative and inspirational articles that chronicle the personal development of the contributors, and may motivate you to embark on a journey to the Orient, or at least on a journey of self-improvement and discovery.

Oh, and yours truly is a recent guest contributor.

Dating Chinese Women: Changsha

The city of Changsha is the capital of Hunan Province, the city where Chairman Mao converted to communism, and home of many prestigious universities among other things. The food is delicious, and the ladies are even more so! Going to Changsha during the summer was a real treat for me, and I ended up spending five days there rather than the three days that I had initially planned due to a train ticket mistake. Looking back at my experiences in that city, I certainly cannot complain.

My most memorable date in Changsha was with a girl that we will call "V". I met her on WeChat using the "Look Around" function one evening when I was bored. To my surprise, I had several greetings from people in my area; hers was the one that stood out the most. We chatted for a bit, and I learned that she was a senior at one of the city's universities. I tried to set up a language exchange that night, but since she was busy, she agreed to meet me the next day.

She did not flake on our meeting, and showed up at the nearby McDonald's just as we had planned. McDonald's is not the kind of food to have a language exchange over, despite cultural imperialism and all of that rot, so "V" took me to a restaurant that specialized in Hunan cuisine. We shared an incredibly spicy dish (paid for by "V") while holding a conversation about life, travel, and music. It occurred to me that "V" had a particular interest in Black men, but unlike Japanese women that I have dated in the past, she seemed more interested in me as a person than what entertaining stereotypes I could live up to.

It started to rain hard that night, and "V" did not want to stay out too late, though she wanted to spend more time with me. I suggested for us to continue our language exchange (or rather English lesson, since I only learned how to properly pronounce the number 6 in Chinese) in my hotel room. "V" lost her interest in studying English, and wanted to study something else.

Changsha was probably the best city for me when it came to dating Chinese women, and all of the delicious restaurants there give plenty of options for setting up restaurant dates. Changsha would certainly be a place that I would want to work when I go back to China if I can find a good gym there. Next week, I will talk about one of my experiences dating in Xi'an. You may also want to go back and read about my experience dating in Guangzhou.