Chinese Women vs. Japanese Women: On Money

It is often said that money cannot buy love, but is this really the case, especially in Japan and China? Asian women are often stereotyped as being some of the worst gold diggers on the planet. Based on some of the stories that I have heard, I would think that Asian women can indeed be gold digging, or at least status digging (ask any White boy that travels to Asian with only the shirt on his back) but this characteristic can be found in just about any race. In my personal experience, Asian women have not been particularly gold digging (maybe that would change if I married one of the women that I dated; things often change once the ring is on the finger). In this post, I will talk about the issue of money when dating Japanese and Chinese women from my anecdotal experience.

Japanese Girls:

Japanese girls that I dated did not seem to make a big deal about money, whether they were on the lower or higher end of the economic standing (well, middle class, at least; I've never dated a super rich girl, although I did date one that ran a juku). On the other hand, I did encounter "Eigo bandits", girls that would date me just to learn English and get a meal, and then would never be heard from again.

Chinese Girls:

Chinese girls get a bad rep for being the biggest gold diggers on the planet, with money being the god of their country. There does seem to be some truth to this, but in my experience, I did not encounter any gold diggers. I was told by a good friend of mine that Chinese girls expect men to pay on dates, but I have had Chinese women pay for me, or we'd take turns paying for things. Sometimes, it seemed as if Chinese women were making an initial investment though, with the expectation that yours truly would be paying them off in the future like a 401K. Let's just say that the taxing [of that ass] was not deferred. Chinese women also seemed to have more respect for money and my time, and would have the courtesy of at least paying for dinner when it came to "English meetups". Perhaps things would be different if I went to Shanghai and dealt with the "princess syndrome" women that the city is known for.

While I did not encounter any gold diggers, I did not come off as if I was a hobo. Being dressed relatively well may have put the thought in their minds that I at least have some money. Also, the fact that money didn't seem all-important does not mean that Asian women are seeking broke dudes, especially not broke Black dudes. By all means make, invest, and save your money, but don't do it just to let a woman (of any race) take it all.

RE: An Open Letter to Japanese People from Black Men (日本人の皆んなさんへの黒人からの手紙) - Part 2

This is the second part of my responses to the thirty-six points made in the Open Letter to Japanese People from Black Men. This post will address the remaining issues starting at issue thirteen. If you would like to read my responses to issues one to twelve, you can find them at this link.

13. I've gotten this sometimes. I've even had a microphone shoved in my face when the rap portion of a song came on at a KTV in China. If I wanted to be a smartass (or knew that the person was joking), I'd simply ask them if they can perform martial arts or some other Asian stereotype. However, if you can rap, by all means take full advantage of it.

14.See above.

15. Personally, I'm not the best dancer, but I can move freely to the beat of music, which must have been very impressive in the Xi'an clubs where most people were only swaying or doing a kind of line dance over and over and over. I do not mind getting accolades, free drinks, and female companionship over doing some basic moves at all.

16. Being fetishized is a problem if you are seeking a serious relationship, but if my Black skin and stereotypes that come with it make women fetishize me and want me for one night, I won't complain. Also, if the fetish can be used to one's advantage (getting hired for a job, modeling, getting laid, etc.), then I can see how it can be an issue, but it is something that should be utilized for its benefits.

17. You are correct. Just as Japan isn't all anime, samurai, and video games, Black people are not all rappers, basketball players, and so forth. It is on us to show this to the world though, and on us in some cases not to pigeonhole ourselves.

18. I agree with this. I'd be a liar if I said that I have never used the word "nigga", but it is a word that I prefer not to be used. If one insists on saying it, then I'd turn around and call them their respective racial slur as a "term of endearment". As a side note, it is going to be hard to stop the Chinese from using the word though; every other word out of a Chinese person's mouth is "那个".

19. This is true. In all honesty, it works both ways. There are Taiwanese people that I've met in Mainland, Mainlanders that I've met in Taiwan, Japanese that I've met in Hong Kong, Koreans that I've met in Japan, and so on.

20. I agree. There are a few Asian women that have a thing for Black men, and they often complain about not having a big enough butt, and one that I know that keeps eating and gets fatter and fatter since Black men like big butts in her idea (either that or she's just a lazy fat chick and goes for Black men since Black men do seem to be quicker to go for fat chicks, are low-standing, etc.). Unfortunately, many Black men seem to chastise me for liking Northeast Asian women since "they ain't got no azz mayne". If they only knew. As I've stated many times before, I prefer slim, petite Asian women with "refined curves", as can be found en masse in southern China and Taiwan. Proportions and face matter too, not just sheer size and not just the rump.

21. I agree with this, but once again, we are going to have to have more control over our image (and maybe even the image of others as they have done to us for years).

22. Agreed.

23. I don't think that Asians assume that all Black people are heterosexual. The gay agenda and Western media seem to be pushing homosexuality more on Black people than any other group, and Asians, along with the rest of the world, take this in. I have heard numerous stories of Black men not having the time of day with Asian women, but getting hit on by dudes. I disagree with this one; it would be great if strong, heterosexual male imagery were projected of Black men worldwide.

24. This goes along with number 23 and number 20, to a degree. I for one enjoy sex, and I am not ashamed to do so. However, I am not hypersexual to the point where I'll bang the ugly chicks, fat chicks, or bang anything to the point that I'd do gay shit. I enjoy sex, but I have standards and I'm only into women. Also, given how much sex goes on in Asia between super-duper White guys, local Asians, and so on, I see no problem with Black men getting ours too.

25. I agree.

26. I agree.

27. This has never happened to me, but it wouldn't be appreciated. That's pretty gay if you ask me.

28. Sadly, not all Black men have big ones (not to say that I'm Mandingo).

29. I personally do not mind dating girls that just want to try something new, but I just wouldn't take the relationship so seriously. A relationship cannot strive on a fetish or on novelty alone, but a few hours of physical lust can be enjoyed with these things as a basis. It can work both ways too.

30. This is true.

31 & 32. Right, not all Black people use these slang terms or listen to certain genres of music, for that matter. Once again, we are going to have to have control of our image so as not to be pigeonholed.

33. This is correct, just as not all Asians look alike, contrary to the beliefs of some.

34. That is correct. Most Asians and non-Blacks that dress up in urban styles these days don't seem to want to connect with Black people though, but just want to enjoy the fashion. Also, a Black person can spend decades in a country, learn the language, and they will still be a foreigner (gaijin or laowai) on top of being Black (kokujin or heiren), with the pros and cons that come with it, of course. I'll let Paul Mooney do the talking here:

35. Yes, I agree with this. Maybe we ought to do the same in retribution when they are on our turf?

36. I can see how this can be upsetting, especially on a bad day, but it can be used to one's advantage. I don't mind being referred to and treated as a cream-filled chocolate by some of the local ladies, if you catch my drift.

At the end of the day, these letters and what not don't mean diddly unless we have the power to either offer the Japanese (and other Asians and non-Blacks) incentives to modifying their behavior towards us, or punishments for not doing so. Unfortunately, we cannot realistically say that we can do much from the perspective of Black foreigners living in Asia at this time. It is great that this information is out there, although as you can see, I do have quite a few disagreements from the perspective of an unashamedly heterosexual and somewhat Machiavellian Black man.

RE: An Open Letter to Japanese People from Black Men (日本人の皆んなさんへの黒人からの手紙) - Part 1

I recently came across a post on Loco in Yokohama, a long-running blog of a Black man living in Japan. This "open letter" from a Black man to Japanese people is rather interesting, and in it thirty-six points are made (I'm not going to copy the entire letter here, but here is the link for you to check it out). I will make my responses to each of the thirty-six points from my perspective as a Black man that has spent time in Japan (and China). The first twelve will be addressed in this post, and I'll get around to talking about the others later.

1. We are indeed people, not accessories. It goes both ways too. I personally don't mind dating a girl just because she wants to try something new, but I'd keep that in mind and not invest too much into the relationship if she's only dating for the novelty factor of being with a foreigner or Black man. I touch on this topic a bit in my previous post.

2. Very true. Do not get caught up by "Eigo bandits", girls in Japan that date foreigners for free English lessons. At the very least, make them pay for dinner or teach you some Japanese. I was caught up in this by a few Japanese girls, but in China, the girls at least had the courtesy to pay for my dinner, and some of them did end up going to bed with me.

3. This is indeed annoying, especially if you are having a bad day (and this goes double if your bad day is based on racial issues). However, this can sometimes be used to your advantage, so it isn't always a bad thing. I certainly don't mind being told that I look like Denzel Washington, for instance, especially when it's going to get me dinner or some püh. How many White dudes take advantage of being "handsome" like Brad Pitt? Yeah, I don't think that I mind being called Will Smith and treated like a C-list celebrity for a night.

4. This is true, but once again, it can go both ways. What gets under my skin is that they will often dislike Black people unless we can fit whatever entertainment stereotype they think about us.

5. As a man that works out to stay in shape, I have to agree with this one.

6. Being complimented for being Black is much better than the usual negatives, but I get your point to a degree. When this happened in China, it seemed to come with a little bit of backhanded jealousy ("It's easy to get a job teaching because you are a foreigner").

7. This never happened to me, but it certainly is foul that we are perceived as drug dealers. What's even worse is that many non-Black foreigners feel the same way (and likely help to permeate this image), and I have heard stories of White foreigners approaching Black foreigners that have nothing to do with the drug game for drugs.

8. That's true. I don't mind Asians or others being interested in Black cultures, but it is upsetting if and when they take said culture, profit off of it, then show utter disrespect to Black people (this goes for the Kid Rock types in the States too). Also, I am interested in Asian cultures, and just as I mentioned in point #2, there should be some type of exchange.

9. I don't particularly care for this, and it always seems like there is a knife behind the person's back when they do this. Still, they kiss White folks' asses with their tongue, so I might as well get my Black ass kissed? I'd much rather operate on the grounds of mutual respect though.

10. This would piss me off too. This never happened to me in Japan, but when it did in China and Taiwan, the people that touched me had the courtesy to ask first. Maybe we should start charging people to touch our hair? It would be a business idea that could put money in the pockets of all of the Black folks that are denied English-teaching positions.

11. All people should love themselves, I agree. No, this is not fat acceptance rhetoric, but people should strive to be in good shape and love themselves. It is certainly OK to admire others, but it isn't healthy to constantly put oneself down.

12. I certainly agree with this! I never really cared for the Japanese girls that "acted Black". Sure, if one is interested in and exposed to the culture, they may pick up elements of it (just as I like the Japanese language and was into anime at one time), but I'll pass on the "Ghetto Japulous" birds. Despite this fact, I still don't expect any Japanese girl that I might hook up with to necessarily be "my geisha fantasy".

So those are my responses to the first twelve points. I'll get to the remaining twenty-four in the next post (or two). Until next time, またね。

Chinese Women vs. Japanese Women: Race and Objectification

As many of you may know, I am a Black American man, and I have spent time living in both Japan and China. The dating scenes in both countries are much different for Black men than they are for other races, as I have mentioned before, and I would like to talk about some generalities that I have noticed in both types of women. For this first post, I will be talking about race and objectification, on both ends of the relationship. Most of this is going to be based on my personal experiences, so others may or may not experience these same things.

Japanese Girls

Black men who have traveled to Asia often say that Japanese women like Black men. I would say that compared to other countries in the region, there are more Japanese women that fantasize about and actively seek out Black men as their first choice, but this is still a minority within a minority of women, and based on what I have been hearing, a dwindling minority.

I must also add that most Japanese girls that like Black men want a particular type of Black man. They tend to either want the stereotype from hip-hop videos, or they want a guy that looks like the Black men that most often appear on advertisements there: tall, cleanly-shaven head, and muscular. Granted, I had very little game and certainly did not have a physique that I could be proud of when I was in Japan (a trio of Japanese girls that I met at Hong Kong International seemed more receptive of me after my development), the way that some Black men talked about how it was easy made it seem like we were doing as well as white guys out there; this simply was and is not the case. I still say that it is the best place to find Northeast Asian women that specifically have a Black fetish, but most of those girls are not my style.

I was objectified as the "Black boyfriend" of some of the Japanese girls that I dated. I was treated almost like a new piece of clothing or jewelry that they would show off to their friends, on top of being a bestial living dildo and entertainer (the latter which I failed at).

On the other hand, Japanese women would also play up to their stereotypes in a bid to turn me on (not talking about the hardcore "B-Style" girls that would try to act like Black stereotypes and coax that behavior out of me). Japanese girls that I have been with were indeed "ladies on the streets and freaks in the bed" that would squeal just like your favorite JAV star upon penetration. They also spoke Japanese during the act, and if I told them a few things in Japanese, it would drive them over the edge. They almost universally liked it fast, rough, and hard, and one of my buddies out there claims that he found plenty of girls that were into cosplaying with their high school uniforms, which they kept just for the occasion. One thing that I also found odd about Japanese women was that many of them wanted to be my first Japanese girl.

Chinese Girls

China is a harder nut to crack (or bust), and just being Black is more likely to be a turnoff than a turn-on for Chinese women. However, with adequate effort and a bit of luck, it is possible for a Black man to succeed with the local women. If you are targeting bigger cities, you may also find a few Black-fetishists, but the general population will likely be harder to click with due to the cosmopolitan image of whites and greater competition due to the higher number of foreigners. Most of the Chinese women that I dealt with probably did not go to bed with fantasies of Black men, but when we happened upon each other, they were intrigued by me (being an American and being able to teach them English and offer a green card in the back of their mind probably helped to be honest).

Given the exposure that China has had to Black people in the media, I'd guess that most Chinese girls that specifically like Black men would want a taller man that looks like he could play for the NBA in their eyes. However, some everyday Chinese girls were open to me (maybe they heard of Muggsy Bogues), and not fitting all Black stereotypes did not seem to be a negative out there at all. That is not to say that they don't have stereotypes (athletic, savage in the sack, and the ubiquitous big dick), but those along with speaking English and being an American citizen are things that are at least somewhat true of me, rather than stereotypical ideas of "swag" and what-have-you. This is one of the reasons why I have begun preferring Chinese women to Japanese women.

When dating and hooking up with Chinese women, yes, it was acknowledged that I was a Black man/foreigner, and that they were Chinese, but I was "Admiral", a person, at least to some of the girls. To others, I was just a living dildo, a guilty pleasure that they would dare not tell their friends about, unlike the Japanese girls that saw me as their new fashion accessory. I have also been their free English teacher, window to the world, and a specimen to be studied.

Chinese women did not play up their "Chinese-ness" for the most part during any part of the relationships, aside from usual things that might come up such as the cultural significance of an image, language, and other little tidbits of culture. When making love, they actually preferred to speak English if at all, and their moans did not sound like squeaking toys. I would say that compared to Japanese, Chinese women are more likely to be crass in public, but prudish in bed, that is unless you get them going or they really like you, then they can be freakier than Japanese (although easier to tire out, it seems). They would also tell me to go slow, and we would build up a tempo together rather than going straight to the hard-pumping action (that is not to say that I didn't put the ramma-jamma on those walls, or that there weren't Chinese girls that could slam themselves on my pelvis though). Ultimately, sex with Chinese women has been more passionate than with Japanese women, as odd as this may sound. Chinese women also seemed relieved when they found out that they were not my first Chinese sex partner, even if they hinted at exclusivity.

At the end of the day, races and cultures can be lumped together as groups, and there are many times where it may feel like you are dealing with clones, but individuals are indeed individuals, so your mileage may vary.