Dating Chinese Women: Xi'an

After spending some time in Guangzhou and Changsha, I reported to work in Xi'an. Xi'an was not really as open as the other two cities in terms of social life from my perspective, and my "daygame" methods, which consisted of being spotted by a curious or intrigued female, or using the WeChat to find language exchange partners did not work well there. It seemed like the wall around the city was not the only wall, as most of the ladies that I encountered would stare at me, then put up a shield when I tried to make eye contact in return.

It was not until I started hitting the clubs that things turned around for me in terms of meeting approachable women. I only had two experiences that could actually be called "dates" in Xi'an, and neither of them ended with intimacy. I still had a decent time in the city overall, aside from the stares, filth, and shouts of hei gway, but I cannot say that it was a great place for me in terms of dating Chinese women (although it was a decent place for casual hookups in the club).

One of the clubs that I went to was relatively close to my job, so I would usually hang out in the area, then show up at the club about an hour after it opened. This club was relatively tame compared to some of the other venues that I would peruse in Xi'an, but I would still get free drinks, and occasionally, see a girl that I liked.

One night when I was doing my usual "be the only foreigner/person that dances normal in the club" routine, I was approached by a gentleman that wanted me to drink with him and his buddies at his table. They had a bottle of whiskey and a few bottles of iced tea, which seemed to be the favored drink at this particular establishment. I had a few drinks, after which, everyone wanted to take pictures with me. One of the girls in the group, we'll call her "D^2", coerced me to sit next to her. When I did not move quickly enough for her liking, she began yelling at me in Chinese, grabbed me, and tried to force me into the seat adjacent to her. Feisty; I liked it, despite feeling a bit uncomfortable.

After the pictures were taken, what D^2 did made me feel even more uncomfortable. She slipped her hand in my pants and began frigging me, yelling furiously at me in Chinese. At this point, I did not know what to do, but her friends took her away, apologized (like I needed an apology), and went on their way. Noticing that the spot was mostly a sausage-fest, I decided to retire for the night.

I ran into D^2 about a week later after coming home from a successful night at a different club, walking home with a couple of roses from a sweet young thing that refused to utilize KTV rooms for the singing that they were made for. She recognized me and we had a small conversation, exchanging WeChat information. Another week passes by, and we are setting up a night out going clubbing and having dinner.

Long story short, all that I got out of this "date" was a few more free drinks and some dancing. I had a good time, but I did not seal the deal, nor did I even get the dinner. D^2 bid farewell and entered her taxi. I had a fun night out and I still chat to her from time to time though.

Blog: Voyage to Asia

Voyage to Asia is a blog with contributors from all over the world. The site centers on cultural exchange between East and West, with a particular focus on Black American experiences in East Asia. While the site might not revolve around game, there are plenty of informative and inspirational articles that chronicle the personal development of the contributors, and may motivate you to embark on a journey to the Orient, or at least on a journey of self-improvement and discovery.

Oh, and yours truly is a recent guest contributor.

Dating Chinese Women: Changsha

The city of Changsha is the capital of Hunan Province, the city where Chairman Mao converted to communism, and home of many prestigious universities among other things. The food is delicious, and the ladies are even more so! Going to Changsha during the summer was a real treat for me, and I ended up spending five days there rather than the three days that I had initially planned due to a train ticket mistake. Looking back at my experiences in that city, I certainly cannot complain.

My most memorable date in Changsha was with a girl that we will call "V". I met her on WeChat using the "Look Around" function one evening when I was bored. To my surprise, I had several greetings from people in my area; hers was the one that stood out the most. We chatted for a bit, and I learned that she was a senior at one of the city's universities. I tried to set up a language exchange that night, but since she was busy, she agreed to meet me the next day.

She did not flake on our meeting, and showed up at the nearby McDonald's just as we had planned. McDonald's is not the kind of food to have a language exchange over, despite cultural imperialism and all of that rot, so "V" took me to a restaurant that specialized in Hunan cuisine. We shared an incredibly spicy dish (paid for by "V") while holding a conversation about life, travel, and music. It occurred to me that "V" had a particular interest in Black men, but unlike Japanese women that I have dated in the past, she seemed more interested in me as a person than what entertaining stereotypes I could live up to.

It started to rain hard that night, and "V" did not want to stay out too late, though she wanted to spend more time with me. I suggested for us to continue our language exchange (or rather English lesson, since I only learned how to properly pronounce the number 6 in Chinese) in my hotel room. "V" lost her interest in studying English, and wanted to study something else.

Changsha was probably the best city for me when it came to dating Chinese women, and all of the delicious restaurants there give plenty of options for setting up restaurant dates. Changsha would certainly be a place that I would want to work when I go back to China if I can find a good gym there. Next week, I will talk about one of my experiences dating in Xi'an. You may also want to go back and read about my experience dating in Guangzhou.

Travel Review and Anecdotes: China Airlines

I chose to fly China Airlines on my recent trip to Asia this summer due to costs. The flag carrier of the Republic of China (that's Taiwan) does not have the cleanest safety record, but its flights from LAX to TPE and HKG are comparatively cheap, and their safety record has improved in recent years. My itinerary consisted of four flights.

China Airlines Flight 5

CI5 was the first leg of my flight from LAX to HKG, and my first flight in a Boeing 747. The flight was about two hours late to the gate in L.A., and the takeoff felt like it was rushed (not that I am an aviation expert, but I could have sworn that I felt a tailstrike or something). The entertainment choices were pretty good; I ended up watching the new RoboCop, Lego Movie (I had to see it for all of the hype; it seems appropriate for kids but as an adult, I only see it as a hipster bandwagon and marketing ploy), and Anchorman. Meal service was not memorable, but nothing to complain about. Due to skilled piloting, or perhaps the airline compensating for delays in its schedule, we were only an hour late getting to Taipei.

China Airlines Flight 677

After a fifteen minute layover at Taiwan Taoyuan International Airport (TPE), it was time to board an Airbus A330 for the flight to Hong Kong. I was seated next to a Chinese American PUA; this is probably the first time I have ever been seated next to anyone remotely interesting on a flight. We discussed girls, game, travel, and culture in between making passes on one of the the stewardesses.

The flight itself was a bit frightening, marked by heavy turbulence, and at one point it sounded like the engines shut off completely. Once again, I am no aviation expert, so I could be totally wrong. Landing in that heavy chop was pretty wild, at least from the perspective of a passenger, but I am here to tell you about it, so no worries.

China Airlines Flight 602

My itinerary on the way out of Asia was similar to that on the way in, but it played in reverse. CI602 was a flight from Hong Kong to Taipei on an Airbus A330. Brunch consisted of some greasy rice noodles with beef and vegetables (they were good on my empty stomach though), and although the flight was short, the same entertainment system present on longer flights was employed here as well. I tried to catch 42, the movie about Jackie Robinson, but I was only about to see the first hour of it before we landed. This flight was uneventful aside from the beautiful view of Taiwan as we went into the landing pattern, and the fact that it felt like the pilot was fighting the plane as we touched down.

China Airlines Flight 8

After spending ten days in Taiwan, it was time to return to my mundane life in America via CI8. This 747 flight from TPE to Los Angeles International was rather uneventful, and the food service was the same stuff that was served on CI5. I was able to catch the last parts of 42 that I missed, watched a bit of Oblivion (but unlike Anchorman, I really couldn't push myself to watch it again), and checked out Olympus Has Fallen. I was also able to finish reading Machiavelli's The Prince on this flight. We arrived about an hour ahead of time, so I guess that China Airlines made up the lost time that they owed me from my outbound flight.

In closing, I think that China Airlines is a decent airline. I want to try new airlines, so I will probably try to fly Evergreen next time, but if their schedule or prices are inconvenient, then I will most likely fly China Airlines again on my next trip to Asia (assuming that Taiwan is my first destination).

Dating Chinese Women: Guangzhou

In this series, I will post about various dates that I have had with Chinese women during my stay in China over the summer. To be precise, I am going to talk about the three most memorable girls, one from each of the three cities that I visited. I will not be using full names, nor will I get into all of the nitty-gritty details. Without further ado, let's talk about my dating experiences with "L", a sweet Chinese girl that I met on QQ prior to embarking on my trip.

I contacted "L" on my third day into my trip. She was free and eager to meet me, though she ran a bit late. Why was she late? She had to bring me flowers and candy. She also paid for half of the night's hotel fee. After dropping off her presents in the hotel room, it was my turn to pay for things. We went to a nearby Japanese restaurant for some food, and I was able to show off some of my Japanese language abilities, which made up for my embarrassing lack of Mandarin. Luckily," L" was not one of the Chinese people that vehemently despise the Japanese. After our dinner, the skies opened up with rain, and we rushed back to the hotel. Success.

The next day, "L", her friend, and I went to Chimelong Water Park. Once again, she came out of pocket to pay for my admission. We had a wonderful time beating the heat, and my did she look luscious in her bathing suit. That night, I had the privilege of having two Chinese women sleeping in my bed (only sleeping, nothing dirty went down that night kids).

We woke up, and I was treated to breakfast at a nearby restaurant. Unfortunately, it was time for us to say goodbye, but "L" would visit me many times during my stay in Guangzhou. Not to sound like a simping bluepill mangina, but I have never experienced such devotion from a woman as I have from "L". I still keep in contact with her to this day, and I plan on seeing her again when I return to the Middle Kingdom.

In the next episode, I will talk about dating a Chinese woman in Changsha, a city known for having the hottest college girls. Stay tuned.

Lessons from China: Step Outside of Your Comfort Zone

Although I failed to learn Chinese during my stint in China over the summer, I did learn and relearn some important life lessons there. The most important lesson that I learned was that one must leave their comfort zone in order to unveil and capitalize off of opportunities.

This does not mean that one has to leap directly into the danger zone, but taking a few steps outside of the box, especially for starters, can open up new worlds. In my case, going to China in the first place was a step outside of my comfort zones of Japan and the United States (comfortably numb in the case of the latter). The next step was to open up to people, despite language barriers and racial barriers (both real and perceived).

The Danger Zone

This somewhat more outgoing approach to life lead to numerous opportunities (mostly chances to drink or get laid, but I won't complain about that), and numerous friendships that may develop into more profitable relationships in the future. In order to profit, one must be able to reach people, and one way to reach people is to venture out into the world and get to know people.

Of equal, or perhaps greater importance is stepping outside of your mental comfort zone. Many people have been mentally conditioned for failure for a variety of reasons. Some of us have been so thoroughly conditioned that failure becomes a habit. We seek sources to justify our failures, such as sob forums like the now-defunct PUAHate, and consistently put ourselves down, making our lives even more miserable and the lives of our competitors easier. This is a habit that I am trying to cast off completely.

This is not to say that life does not have obstacles, but if we do not take that step forward, we will never be able to surmount the obstructions that life may throw at us, instead staying stagnant as life passes us by. In order to change my mindset, I have begun a program of serious study. This includes studying those that have succeeded in realms that I wish to succeed in, as well as reflecting on my past experiences and comparing notes with those in similar situations that are seeking solutions to common problems.

I have not reached all of my short-term goals yet, but I am a few steps closer to doing so. I am also more open to and aware of opportunities that present themselves. I hope that those of you reading this are willing to take that first step out of the comfort zone towards your objectives.

Excerpts from Xi'an: Up in the Club

This is yet another semi-response to a post found on VoyageToAsia. The author there talks about things that he does in China that he does not do in the United States. One of the items on his list is clubbing, which is a commonality since I only go clubbing in China (and Japan; I hope to hit the club at least once in Taiwan too in the future).

Of course, the most obvious reason why I like to go to the clubs in Asia, and seldom go in America is the women. I have a penchant for Northeast Asian girls, and really do not find American women of any race to be attractive. Also, despite anti-Black racism in the Asian dating scene, I find Asian women much easier to vibe with than Western women. There are a few other reasons why I prefer clubbing in Asia to clubbing in America though:

Free Drinks for the Foreigner

There was a stint in Xi'an where I was going to the club every night, in part just to get free drinks. Just about every night I went out I would get free drinks just for showing up and doing a few dance moves. If I just wanted to get buzzed for free, I could hit the club, drink on someone else's tab, and maybe make a few friends.

Nobody's Throwing Bows

In America, we always hear about people getting beaten, shot up, or stabbed in the club. There is no way I'm going to come out of pocket to have a slim chance to dance with women I'm not attracted to and risk being the victim of violence by some faux-Alpha that wants to impress his girl. Yes, violence has happened in Asian clubs, but is is far less common. Usually, the only holes I have to worry about going home with are those of a pretty young thang, not a 9mm.

Relaxed Dress Codes

With regards to foreigners, at least, we can show up looking like slobs and still get VIP treatment. Of course, this applies mainly to White guys, and there are clubs where Black guys or foreigners aren't even allowed in (although I never encountered that), but I got away dressing down when hitting the clubs. It felt good to stroll into the club for free with shorts and a plain white tee, whereas in America I'd probably be ushered away due to the dress codes. This probably varies from club-to-club, but in general, dress codes have never been an issue in my observation.

People Still Like to Have Fun

There are quite a few clubs in China where people will only interact with their own group of friends, and clubs where people are indulged in taking selfies, but there seems to be a higher ratio of people that just want to have a good time. In the States, people just seem to want to look cool or act tough, but in Asia club-goers seem to be a lot friendlier.

As always, your mileage may vary, but those are my reasons.

Racism in Asia as it Pertains to Dating

This post is a semi-response to the post on East Asian racism found at Voyage to Asia. If you like upbeat articles with information about Asia from the perspective of Black people (and others), then be sure to check out that blog. My writing, on the other hand, is a bit more gritty to digest.

On just about every pick up, dating, sexual-conquest-bragging, etc. forum out there, there are Black posters that ask if girls from such-and-such nation go for brothas. Given that most of these forums are White-centered (which makes sense as most of the posters are likely White men), you can expect a lot of discouraging answers. Some posters give reasonable anecdotes (that doesn't mean "feel-good rhetoric" where Black men slay, but realistic and/or objective anecdotes), while others seem to have an agenda to keep you from hopping on a plane and checking things out for yourself. As always, you can expect entities to act in their best interests, and it is in their best interests for them to defeat their rivals (us) mentally before we even embark on our journeys.

Now, let's be honest, brothers: you know that Black men are not really as in demand as White men, especially in East Asia. When you post on these majority non-Black forums looking for answers, what you are really doing is seeking for someone to hold your hand and tell you that everything is going to be alright before you go online, look up pictures of the women that you desire, and frig yourself with said hand. I know because I used to do the same thing in the past before I got fed up and decided to go on a campaign telling Black men to avid travel to East Asia by any means necessary. I would still say that you must acknowledge the position that you are likely to be put in as a Black man in Asia, and wouldn't suggest travel there unless you have clear-cut objectives or an undying desire to travel or live there (as I have), but if you have a chance, and if you get the opportunity and want it, you should take it.

Now, just because I had a good time in Asia doesn't mean that you will. Just because I had a good time over the summer doesn't mean that I will have a good time next time. There really are no guarantees, even for super-duper White guys, as some forum posts indicate. I must also say that although I like looking at statistics and hearing stories about the experiences of other Black men in these countries, I advise you to choose the country that best suits your needs and gives you the most opportunities as an individual. Despite this belief, I am going to briefly go over some generalities in the dating scenes for Black men in Japan, Mainland China, South Korea, and Taiwan. This information is based on personal experience, conversations with other Black men that have lived in these countries, observations, and forum posts from users of various races that have lived in these countries. Remember that your mileage may vary though.

Japan

The Land of the Rising sun is probably the best of the four countries when it comes to dating for Black men in general. Hip-hop, Reggae, and other forms of Black music have sizable followings there, and there are more "Black groupies" here than any other country. In my experience, I didn't act "Black enough" to do too well with the hip-hop honeys, but given that the country is more open-minded to Black people and is more polite in general, I still ended up doing OK.

Mainland China

I would wager that the Middle Kingdom is a distant second for Black men after Japan, although some say that South Korea would work better for us. I am of the belief that in general, Chinese people are friendlier and more down to earth than Koreans, so it would be a better place to grind a numbers game. Also, if you are from an Anglophone Western country, you might gain a bit of status since some Chinese girls might see you as a vehicle to get a green card. On a personal note, I did much better in China than I did in Japan in terms of quantity. I got into clubs for free and got free drinks just about every night and made quite a few friends (some with benefits). There were way less Chinese girls that were open to Black men in general compared to Japanese girls, but Chinese girls seemed to like me for me rather than liking me because they wanted me to sing 50 Cent to them.

South Korea

Compared to Mainland China, I would think that South Korea would be less open to Black men in general, but reports indicate that there are more hip-hop groupies there, so if you can fit that look and persona you might do OK in some locales. I have never been to Korea, nor do I have much of an interest in the country, so I cannot give personal commentary. I can say that Korean exchange students seemed more approachable than their Chinese counterparts when I was a university student though.

Taiwan

I would wager that there are probably more Black groupies in Taiwan than in Mainland due to being more Westernized and having a bit of a Japanese vibe. On the other hand, hip-hop, reggae, and other forms of Black music didn't really seem to take off there like they did in Japan, so you'll have a smaller "fanbase" to play with. Also, being from a Western country isn't special like it would be in Mainland since Taiwanese girls don't seem to be hunting green cards like girls in "China proper". I didn't spend a lot of time in Taiwan, but people seemed nice enough, and with enough time I could probably get the Taiwanese flag. Reports say that Taiwan is probably the least open place for Black men to get dates, but I'm inclined to believe that it is possible.

In conclusion, we have to keep in mind that the world is dynamic. Today you may be hated, but there is a chance, albeit slim, that you can be loved tomorrow; the converse is true as well. With that in mind, I urge you to look into opportunities to improve your (and perhaps our) economic and social standings to make sure that you have a say when it comes to your future. Best of luck wherever your destinations may be.

Excerpts from Xi'an (Abridged): Living

I'm going to be posting some memoirs from my time in Xi'an, China this summer. In order to avoid becoming the next ChinaBounder, I'll be leaving out some of the good parts, at least on this public blog. I also don't want to bore you too much with rambling, so I'll try to keep it as short as possible.

I arrived in Xi'an on July 12th, two days later than I had anticipated since I didn't get the right date on my train ticket from Changsha. I was initially impressed by the layout of the city, as well as the cleaner appearance compared to the cities that I had visited in southern China. I would later find out that this wasn't the case, but the initial grandeur gave me a good impression of the city to begin from.

The honeymoon ended the very next day when I realized that people were staring at me. In retrospect, some of it probably was curiosity, but everything that I had read about racism in China, as well as the hostile facial expressions worn by the denizens of Xi'an in comparison to the milder facial expressions and smiles of Guangzhou and Changsha residents made me feel like I wasn't welcome. To make matters worse, there was constant spitting, and given how close my hosts' nasty projectiles landed to my feet made me realize that many people indeed wanted me to leave their city.

This treatment led me to hunkering down in my filthy apartment while avoiding contact with others, aside from work. Work itself was enjoyable. Interactions with my students and coworkers were the high points of my time in Xi'an until I decided to take more chances. I appreciated my students and coworkers, and they will always have a place in my memories, but outside of work, I was a loner. This is partially due to my position in the social dynamic, but I realize now that it truly is my nature. That isn't to say that I do not like to interact with others (especially beautiful women), but I do enjoy my time to myself.

What else did I learn?

Bring More Money than You Think You'll Need

It's not a good thing to go broke in a foreign country. I made the mistake of taking a local friend's word when it came to prices. As a foreigner getting set up, things are going to be more expensive than they would be for an established local (especially an established local that does not seem to value cleanliness). Also, a lot of the information that one may read online is old and prices have increased since then. Assume that things are going to be expensive, and if you find things to be cheaper than expected, at least you have savings to fall back on.

Use the Environment to Your Advantage

This could be the physical environment or the social environment. Down in Changsha, being an English speaker made me more valuable. People seemed to be more curious and open-minded about foreigners, including Black Americans. I was able to segue language exchanges into dinners and more. In Xi'an, this was not the case. However, when I didn't have enough money to get food, I was able to survive off of free samples at the local supermarket. The ladies there warmed up to me after seeing me every day, and would essentially give me full meals as "samples" in exchange for the chance to practice English on a foreigner.

If I needed to get hydrated, I'd have to wait until the night. Going to the club became a regular part of my daily schedule, and I would always meet a group of Chinese people that wanted to welcome me to their country, found me interesting, or just wanted to get a foreigner drunk. Just about every time I went out, I'd get free drinks, and occasionally I would get lucky with a Chinese girl (or two). I found Xi'an to be a lot friendlier at night than during the day.

Deal with Discomfort

I am the type of person that likes comfort, security, and luxury, but these things are not always guaranteed. I wouldn't want to live in harsh or filthy conditions indefinitely, but if it pays off, it might be worth dealing with. I learned that I can live without many of the comforts that I indulged myself with in America, and I have found myself being more efficient with my time and money. Looking back on it, I probably should have stayed for a year, then worked my way up to more comfortable living conditions. At least I have learned things that will help me the next time that I go to China, as well as with life in general.

I'll talk about some of my other experiences when I get around to it. Right now, I'm trying to build my funds, muscles, and skillset back up so that I can be a better person next time I visit the Middle Kingdom.